016. many nameless virtues. Tezuka/Fuji, in first person for once, which is unusual for me. Random ramblings trying to unravel Fuji's motives in first year.
-
From the first moment I saw you, I knew I had to have you. And I knew I could win you with tennis. Only when I asked you for a match did I realise a part of you might feel the same way; you said you wanted it too. I had never said to you that I wanted it, Tezuka. Only that it was something we should do. I never admitted I longed for a match, that I looked forward to it like nothing else.
But then... Your insistence on keeping your promise to me, on trying to find out who I really was, it made my plan backfire. Your arm failed you, and caused you nothing but trouble from that point on. So I resolved to keep whatever it was I had in me buried deep down inside, because if I tried to draw you out with tennis again, if I lured you through a match and captured your imagination, I might only cause you more hurt that could not be undone or forgiven. I knew you were wondering where the fire had gone, why I had extinguished it so suddenly without giving you even a chance to discover my real power, but I let you believe I was scared to go against you.
And in a way, I was. Scared of the hurt you had suffered, scared that one of us would unarguably be the better, scared that when we played you would see everything I felt for you shining out through my eyes. You would change me, you would make me serious, make me real. I was scared to show you that, in case you scorned it after going to all that trouble. I was never really sure of how you felt, because tennis always came first with you. It still does. But I had wanted to use that as my opening, to maybe worm my way, and overtake it. Tennis was just a thing after all, while somewhere deep down, I am someone of substance.
no subject
-
From the first moment I saw you, I knew I had to have you. And I knew I could win you with tennis. Only when I asked you for a match did I realise a part of you might feel the same way; you said you wanted it too. I had never said to you that I wanted it, Tezuka. Only that it was something we should do. I never admitted I longed for a match, that I looked forward to it like nothing else.
But then... Your insistence on keeping your promise to me, on trying to find out who I really was, it made my plan backfire. Your arm failed you, and caused you nothing but trouble from that point on. So I resolved to keep whatever it was I had in me buried deep down inside, because if I tried to draw you out with tennis again, if I lured you through a match and captured your imagination, I might only cause you more hurt that could not be undone or forgiven. I knew you were wondering where the fire had gone, why I had extinguished it so suddenly without giving you even a chance to discover my real power, but I let you believe I was scared to go against you.
And in a way, I was. Scared of the hurt you had suffered, scared that one of us would unarguably be the better, scared that when we played you would see everything I felt for you shining out through my eyes. You would change me, you would make me serious, make me real. I was scared to show you that, in case you scorned it after going to all that trouble. I was never really sure of how you felt, because tennis always came first with you. It still does. But I had wanted to use that as my opening, to maybe worm my way, and overtake it. Tennis was just a thing after all, while somewhere deep down, I am someone of substance.
-