The style works for now, although I think in a longer piece it might not keep up as well as it is now. But it does really make you feel like you're there, experiencing it all, and the writing captures the rush in the morning.
There were a few places where it felt jumbled, rushed, but I think that might have been something you were going for, just because of the nature of the piece so far.
It's so nice to read second person again; I absolutely love it (when it's used well!) and two girls, hehehehe. :D
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There were a few places where it felt jumbled, rushed, but I think that might have been something you were going for, just because of the nature of the piece so far.
It's so nice to read second person again; I absolutely love it (when it's used well!) and two girls, hehehehe. :D
Work on it more. :D